What has the window given me?
Thinking back, I think college has gotten the best of me. Going into it at first was definitely a struggle. I didn’t know what to expect. I thought for sure that I wasn’t going to survive this first year by myself. I actually thought I wasn’t going to do any good. But as the first few weeks came into play I slowly began to get to know my roommates better and better. I also decided to join a club on campus just because my friend referred me to it. So far, one of the best decisions I’ve made during my first year. Let’s just say I’ve made some of the greatest friends and memories from it. Friendship Games, Club events, & just hanging out at the beach with these people enhanced my experiences in college.
Aside from campus activities, I also spontaneously joined a dance team. I went into with barely any dance experience. My friend had dragged me into this team only because she didn’t want to do it alone. Dancing really expanded my abilities and my personality as a person. I love dancing. I do it to help discipline myself, humble myself, and most importantly see the joy in others. It’s not always about winning and whatever. It’s all about doing all of that while having fun doing it. I truly believe that you can do anything if you just put your mind and heart to it. Open minded. Open hearted. Be passionate. Things may get hard along the way, but always remember that there’s a light at the end. Don’t give up.
Second semester. Came out of the first semester with results that I wasn’t too satisfied with. So it was a reality check for me to step my game up and take things a little more aggressively. I stacked myself with 18 units this semester. It wasn’t too bad honestly. I just had to pace myself and keep myself in check with my priorities. But there were bumps in the road, which were other factors outside of the school that kind of dropped stress on my school life. My relationship.
I think I could say this relationship was really strong. It’s just that we slowly grew apart. With college in the way, especially going to different colleges really got in the way. I mean there are other factors to it, but aside from all those we just grew apart. But honestly, things like this happen. It happens to anyone and everyone. As much as I hated it, it had to happen. It’s been bound to happen. As fucked up it may be, people sensed it. Our public scene wasn’t so delightful. Always arguing and whatnot. Having to deal with arguments when coming home on the weekends and leaving without resolving it really made me feel shitty. Honestly, I lost interest. I’ve lost interest for a long time. It’s just that we didn’t want to address it at the time it first occurred. But you know what, we finally came to a conclusion. Things couldn’t be the same afterwards. I guess I could say thanks for the memories. I’ve learned so much from you that it’ll stick with me forever. Don’t think that I didn’t try because I’ve tried my hardest for 3 long years. But there were dents that we just couldn’t bend out. But it’s ok. It was worth my time.
Getting over it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be because I’ve felt this way for a while. It’s still something that will make me cringe every time someone brings it up. But I’m over it. I’m ready for whatever comes my way.
Over the past month I’ve been hanging out with this one individual. Met back in September but didn’t really start to have conversations until March of this year. You know, it was just that random person to talk to because we shared the same class and whatnot. I wasn’t really expecting anything I guess you could say, special, from this person. But all of a sudden, feelings have been building up inside me for this individual. And honestly I’ve never felt so good in my life for a long time. I’m honestly open to this and I’m very accepting of it. And whatever it may take or however long it may take for things to fall into place, I will be patient. Mistakes in the past have taught me how to become patient. Patience is truly a virtue. I really do believe that if patience is accounted for, everything will just be better in the long run.
Side note to this individual: Remember that talk we had? That serious talk? Yes. One thing I wanted to add is:
Thank you for being completely honest with me. Thank you for being so open with me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for just everything. I’m looking forward to what the future holds for us. Just remember that I’m open to anything and everything. If there’s anything you need from me, I’ll be there. Also I don’t want you to think that I’m waiting on you to be ready. I also have yet to get to that point as well. But aside from all of that, I’m having a great time with you. :)
As of now, I really do think my life is great. I have great friends. I have great opportunities. I just hope to keep my life on track much better.